a sparrows surrender

Life does not always look or feel ‘glorious’. As a follower of Jesus, I am discovering once again, what it really means to ‘surrender’. Surrender is a big word for most of us to
digest in a mental capacity, and even greater in the physical and emotional realm. But if I am going to declare that I am a follower of Jesus Christ, I must make every viable attempt to ‘be like Him’.

We are in the midst of difficult and very uncertain circumstances in our personal lives right now that I am having to stop and ask the simple question, what response to the crisis or question I am faced with best represents and models the life of Jesus.

Do we defend ourselves where we feel justified, or do we surrender ourselves and stand at the threshold and trust God to be our defense. In the natural this makes no sense, to stand up for ones rights. But in questioning the motives of my heart today, the Holy One so arrested me with the question, ‘who is your defense?’, at which point I look at how Jesus laid the foundation for me. He was the lamb, led to slaughter. He did nothing to defend or justify himself…He willingly walked to that place called suffering and death. I can only imagine His fear, ‘will God come through for me in my laying down defending myself, trying to make my own way?’ But He was so convinced of the Fathers great Love for Him, He knew He didn’t have to defend, His Father would come to His defense. He surrendered. In the natural, He continued to follow thru with great scourging, pain, suffering and ultimately ‘death’. That’s usually where ‘fear’ gets stuck. We forget the ultimate outcome. He did die, He did suffer, He was mocked, He was rejected. But it didn’t end there. He rose, He joined with His Father, He lives eternally in Peace and Power for eternity. And as we surrender, we will be joined with Him in that same promise, we will be like Him.

So today, again, I am challenged to surrender justifying myself, defending myself, making my own way, and completely trusting that the Father loves me as He loved His son, Jesus, and that as I follow what was modeled, He will intervene, He will resurrect and bring life where there is pain, suffering, death. For this is my promise, our promise as followers of the Son of God. He never said it would be easy. He only promised He would be there for us, there would be great joy and peace in the midst of suffering.

So today, again, I choose to surrender, my character, integrity, dreams, hopes, desires, relationships, finances, material possessions, pets we love, all of it…its not mine, its His, I am His…So here I stand at the threshold, with the door open, and I say, ‘Father have your way with me as you see fit, I surrender, all my rights, everything, have it all.’

Websters: surrender
To give up possession of
Yield to another on compulsion
To give up or abandon
To give oneself up as a prisoner

So Father, I surrender, take me as your prisoner, I humbly submit my life and all it has acquired and is, to you as Your captive. Do with it what you will.
Amen.

When we Love

‘We are never more like God than when we love.’

A profoundly deep truth, almost taken aback when meditated on.
As I read to encourage my heart and to strengthen my weary bones this
is what I came across for ‘lunch’ today. It has been an emotionally difficult
season for me, that seems to have hit its ‘peak’ this last week with relational
events that remind me of our human nature towards one another. Our imperfect
attempts to ‘be like God’ in our faulty expressions of love towards one another. In our attempts we continue to wound, scour and reject one another.

In Galations 5:22 The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, against such there is no law.

I read in Matthew 22:32-40 that on the first two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

Galations 5:14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

I am ‘caught’ to see the word ‘the law’ in all of these scriptures. The law of Love,
I have had the swirls of words repeating themselves in my mind the last few weeks, simply…’what does love look like’…God…when we receive His love, we see love, we feel love, enables us to give love. He has painted a beautiful picture of what LOVE looks like, how it functions, responds, and interacts.

What about the broken places, the relationships that seem to be beyond repair, fractured, with no hope? What about those? How does love respond in those relational breaks? I have been challenged more than ever this week to seek out greater revelation, greater truth, greater grace that will promote greater healing. I was confronted this week with a statement, ‘there needs to be closure as the relationship is fractured beyond repair’. This has had me in a quandary all week. It has driven me to want to be more like God in how I respond in relationship to others, I want to be like God when I love. So in brokenness, I have much to learn in this process, though I think I have the basics, so it’s a good start.

The greek word for ‘restore’ is katartizo, it was the greek word in Galations 6:1 for setting broken bones, and in Matthew 4:21 for mending nets. In this, I find that there is always hope. Nothing is ever beyond repair to God. This is the promise He has given us to maneuver through the messy roadways of relationship. He never purposed us to forage alone in the forest. So herein, lie’s my promise for all those broken places…if…of course I do my part, and if the other, does theirs. Relationship takes both parties to comply bringing forth good fruit. You can’t do relationship alone.

It simply takes two to do relationship…

Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ (there’s that ‘law’ again). For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load.

Let him who is taught the word share in all good things with him who teaches. Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith. Galations 6:1-10

As I continue on in life, and I have ‘opportunity’, I ask the Father, to perfect this love He has deposited in me, to be more like Him. Because, ‘We are never more like God than when we love.’

broken wings

How do we fly, when we have broken wings? Simple…we don’t.
I find in my weakness and vulnerability, I have broken wings. As much as I long to stretch out and soar, without the healing of broken places, it’s just not going to happen.

How do we gain greater perspective, when we can’t even get off the ground to see higher than our circumstance? This is where I find myself so often. When you have flown before, then find yourself ‘grounded’ its a difficult place to find peace. It feels good to fly, the wind beneath your wings, the cool breeze whispering upon your face, soaring high above all your past failures and downfalls. Being grounded, its a degrading place, a constant reminder of all that’s gone wrong, it’s hard to pull up and see above it. But, until the healing is complete, its where we will remain.

There is this cry deep within this soul of mine. To count all that’s lost as gain, and in the midst of it all, remain. To not consider all the hurts incurred over the last year, but to count them all as gain. This isn’t from a material perspective, but from a relational perspective, the brokeness of relationships that have failed and faultered, still unhealed, still a breach, like broken wings, subtle reminders of our frailed humanity. Discovering that not all thought friends are friends, and often more foe than not. Discovering that hopes, dreams and expectations will be consistently unmet…discovering a greater need to walk in greater forgiveness to those who have played their role in the breaking of the wing, some completely unaware of their part in it at all. Discovering once again that ‘life’ isn’t fair, and doesn’t always go as planned no matter how hard we may try and work at it.

Tears always play their part in the healing process. As a friend so delicately expressed to us in the loss of a family member this week, “I am tasting salt”. Again tonight, I am tasting salt, not because of the loss of a family member, for their is great peace in knowing that his soul is connected eternally with his creator in heaven. Rather, knowing the losses incurred here and now. The gentle reminders of my lonliness, isolation, and halt to what once was connectedness, a brotherhood that appears as though lost. It is much to bear, so the tears come, the taste of salt upon the lip.

Salt is a healing agent, so I welcome it to be poured upon these broken wings in hopes that soon I will fly again.

I choose to believe God is for me, even in the midst of intense trials.

And the Lord restored Job’s losses when he prayed for his friends. Indeed the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before. Then all his brothers, all his sisters, and all those who had been his acquaintances before, came to him and ate food with him in his house; and they consoled him and comforted him for all the adversity that the Lord had brought upon him. Each one gave him a piece of silver and each a ring of gold. (Job 42:10-11)

Perhaps, one day soon, these broken wings will heal and I can fly once again.

a sparrows good fortune

Do not forsake your own friend or your fathers friend, Nor go to your brothers house in the day of calamity. Better is a neighbor nearby than a brother far away. (Proverbs 27:10)

A friend loves at all times. (Proverbs 17:17)

We ‘do’ a lot of gatherings out of our home, and for several years we have been connecting and building with our neighbors and community here. These last several months we have begun sharing a sunday to gather and eat together as our local community in different homes. We all bring something that we have prepared and share with one another. It is a wonderful time of catching up with those who live next door and down the street. Often the relationship and connectedness we take much for granted because we are so close and convenient. Today I was meditating on the beauty of our gathering together and just enjoying each other, being concerned and caring for each others well being and personal lives. Today I saw a joy between us. Hugs and embraces where tears were revealed in grief and hurts. Far greater than riches is it to have good friends and neighbors. I consider our relationships that are forming here a wonderful thing.

To have the ability to fly far above and behold such beauty without the company of a friendly ‘flock’ to share it with would be a sad thing. So in reflecting on the morning, I consider myself to be a sparrow of great fortune. It is a good day when it can be shared with friends.

suffering of a sparrow

For it is better, if it is the will of God, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. (1 Peter 3:17)

Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you: but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. On their part He is blasphemed, but on your part He is glorified. (1 Peter 12-14)

That is a mouth full, especially when you feel like you have had a steady downward decent upon the mountain into the valley. To meditate on these scriptures, and to truly embrace them (live them) is another whole matter.

Who of us enjoys suffering? I can say that I am one who does not enjoy suffering, though I have, as many of us have, learned that this is the way of Christ, of knowing Him in greater measure. So as much as I agony over the seasons of suffering, I know from past ’sufferings’ this is the path to a blessed harvest of coming to a deeper encounter with my Creator, painful as it is.

I will walk the road of suffering through the valley, though lonely, dark and dismal, full of unknowns and uncertainty’s…it is the only way to know Him, Christ.

Interestingly how He shares in the scriptures that in our season of reproach His Spirit and Glory rest upon us. I can’t say I always ‘feel’ His glory and spirit resting upon me when I am suffering, when I have been reproached, lonely, isolated, yet our Father clearly states this is when His Glory and Spirit does rest upon me.

So my challenge continues, everyday, in those seasons of suffering, to experience His Spirit and His Glory upon my life. Not to discount that because of my present circumstances within the framework of what was once familiar, that He has departed from me.

How often do we ‘feel’ or ’sense’ His Spirit and Glory upon us in the midst of our time in worship or at a great sermon, or conference, or religious activity that we may attend with our friends and family. Yet clearly, discount His Spirit and Glory upon us when we are alone, and suffering?

So this is my quest as I meditate further on these ‘promises’ in the scriptures…in my suffering…surely I will become more like Him, that I will know His Glory and Spirit does rest upon me.

When we think of our suffering as being in the valley…I am reminded of the fact, that it is the valley that the finest fruits grow and are harvested, for it is in the valley that the soil is rich and moist, alive for the benefit of the seed that falls and grows in the soil. The mountain top will never bear the fruit that bears forth in the valley. The soil nor climate is neither rich nor kind for the tender seeds that will come forth in the soil of sorrow.

learning to fly

learning to fly…thats where I feel like I am ‘today’. I wonder much like a baby bird who for weeks looks over the edge of the nest at the grandeur of the vista’s below, never knowing that the days grow shorter that he will be prompted to ‘jump ship’ and take flight. His surroundings become familiar as he grows from a pink little fleshly creature to a feathered creation designed for the eternal purpose of soaring to and fro with a grace and ease upon the winds that could easily carry him into diverse dangers, if not for mastering the event upcoming in his life shortly. How much I think we are not unlike the sparrow. We seek the comfort, safety and refuge of our nests. It could be many things, financial security, family, friends, health…or a combination of them all. But sooner or later, our creator, causes us to find our wings of faith and take flight, leaving the numbered securities we have found for ourselves. Like the feathered young sparrow who finally stands on the edge of the nest, waiting for that perfect moment to push off, I can only imagine the apprehension and anxiety…though he is embarking on what he was designed and created to do…fly. I find walking in ‘faith’ to parallel the plight of the sparrow. The beauty is once the leap has been made, the practice and perfection performed, there is a natural grace and ease released in ‘being’. I hunger for this same experience daily in my walk of faith with my creator. To ‘fly’ without hesitations, fears, regrets…but to simply trust that as I embark on my journey of faith, being that I have been designed to function in such a way, that I will find myself taking flight…upon the wings of the wind. Finding that as I master the art of ‘flying’ in faith that the things that would seek to encumber my heart and spirit would be loosed to truly trust the nature of the one who has created me. So, I seek a deeper healing within, a deeper trust of the one I love, knowing that as I attain greater perfection that greater grace and beauty will unfold in my life. I say, teach me Father…to fly like the sparrow.

So I said, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest,” Psalm 55:6

like a sparrow

late last night I went and picked up the guitar to worship, and as I was playing a song, these words started to flow…

Like a sparrow
I will sing
This melody
To my king

Like a sparrow
I did land
In the palm
Of Your hand

You came and rescued me
Healed my broken wing
Then You set me free
To fly for all to see

Like a sparrow
I found rest
In the warmth
Of Your chest

Like a sparrow
I take flight
Upon Your mercies
Power and might

Like a sparrow
All my days
I will sing
Of Your praise

Feeling much like a sparrow, insignificant and fragile, many times alone, carried upon the winds of change, constantly on a quest or search for survival. In the hand of my creator, truly is where I will find rest, for there is no other place that will provide what I truly hunger for, He alone is my provision, my source. Like the swallow that sings to his beloved, so will I sing to my beloved. For He is my beloved, and I am His.

Set me as a seal upon your heart, As a seal upon your arm, For love is as strong as death, jealousy is as cruel as the grave; Its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give love for all the wealth of his house, It would be utterly despised.
Song of Solomon 8:6-7

the sparrow has found a home…

A meditation from scripture  and  heart…

How lovely is Your tabernacle,

It is good to dwell with the Father, continually in His presence

My soul longs, yes even faints For the courts of the LORD;

Without His presence alive within, my soul is empty

My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God

You are the one who makes my life complete, Oh God

Even the sparrow has found a home, (Psalm 84:3)

There is no other friend like You, Oh LORD

And the swallow a nest for herself,

Like the sparrow who has free access, at any time, to Your temple courtyard, You, Oh LORD, You have made this nest for me. In my solitude, I can come and rest with You. In my quietness, You are there with me.  When my heart is weak, You, Oh LORD, You strengthen me. When the enemy presses hard against me, You, Oh LORD, You come to my defense with Your strong right hand. Who is like You, Oh LORD. For surely there is no other like You. For a day inYour presence, is far greater than a thousand without You.

All my fountains are in You, Oh LORD.

Keeper of the sparrows heart.

Today, the breeze was light, and snow cleansing. The sun clear and bright. There were moments I could hear natures symphony sing the chorus of His praises. For a moment I even thought I heard the song of a sparrow. Shh…can you hear it…

‘birds of the air’

My first entry into ’sparrows rest’, with great hopes to use this as a time to share twigs and branches that make life what it is.

A few weeks ago, I was laying in bed, awake of course, unable to sleep. Being nudged not by my husband, but by the Lord. In his gentleness He presented me with a simple thought that has provoked much in me since.

The thought…what if there were no yesterdays, no tomorrows. They simply didn’t exist. The only thing that existed was ‘today’. The present moment. It got me thinking. Thinking of how I toil and spin over the regrets and mistakes of ‘yesterday’, and the energy I can quickly exhaust in planning and purposing for ‘tomorrow’. And in doing so, find that I am really not embracing ‘today’ for all it truly holds, and much of it goes wasted on ‘days’ that I can never reclaim.

In thinking this through at greater measure…I made a decision. A choice if you will, to fold my wings, come out of the clouds of the yesterdays and tomorrows, and find the resting place of ‘today’. Whether windy, cloudy and cold, or soft gentle breezes and sunny, I have made the choice to rest a while and like the birds of the air, live in ‘today’.

I will surely have to choose  to ‘let go’ of the things that entangle these wings daily, to stop fluttering about always trying, always looking for ‘it’. Rather fluttering only to find that branch to rest upon, and truly reflect on what is before me in the moment. To enjoy it, whatever it is. To allow it to make its mark in my heart like a photograph not easily forgotten. I spend too much time fluttering through thinking on yesterdays, and planning tomorrows that I think I have missed a lot of the ‘good stuff’, the eternal stuff.

“Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” (Matthew 6:26)

Melody